There And Back Again...

I broke up with my girlfriend about three weeks ago and its still fucking with me. To be completely honest, I still want her, but I know the reality is that she’s too fucking busy with work to love me again. It’s sad that i’ve accepted that but it’s true. So now every time I talk to her, I have to go through the agony of acting like i’m at least emotionally stable and that we can have amateur conversation when truly I just want to die on the inside. Either that or just be able to hug her again. To hug her, and kiss her, and listen to her say “i love you”. Thats what I miss the most. Not the sex. Not the whole idea that I have an amazing girlfriend. But the times when he would be with each other and I knew she was truly happy. When we could just hold each other and lay there for hours. Knowing that as long as we were together, nothing could hurt either one of us. I miss that. And I don’t want any sympathy crap. I don’t want people saying “oh, it’ll get better.” or “oh i’m so sorry, she’s such a bitch.” cause she’s not. She’s not a bitch and I still love her even though she dumped me. I hate myself for being so attached, but I just am. I want to be able to go over to her house and kiss her and hold her and know everything will be alright. But then, I’ve got to wake up and realize the truth. She’s moved on. She’s going to be going to college, and then more college, and then she’s going to get her dream job, and she’ll become so happy because everything will be okay for her and she won’t need me to be that other special person. Fuck this sucks. Well, bedtime.